I have been married for 10 yrs my husband has never put me or our children on his pension, annuity or stock as beneficiary. he has his 67 yrs old mom and 49 yrs old sister which both of them are financially great. well i asked my husband to write a will and put me and our 2 young children ages 6 and 12 in the will also to remove his family’s name and add myself and children . his response within the 10 yrs of marriage was ,ok dear i’ll get a will and now 10 yrs later still no will. so i asked him again about it, he said why do you want me to write a will? when i think of a will i think of death. i told him i have him and the kids on my pension etc only, he said he will write a will and discuss it only with his lawyer and he won’t tell me about his will, he doesn’t have to tell me where the will is located when he does decide to write out a will, this information will be between him and his sister, mother and lawyer. my question is, my husband doesn’t trust me and the only reason why i think he feels this way is because he has more money and property than I. He basically has a lot more to lose than I. he is 50 and am 44yrs old and we both have jobs. should I be mad, I live in new york state. I told him well if you don’t trust me then add the children only he said, if he does that will be between him and his lawyer. I think this is weird, but maybe am weird.
I’d be pissed! It’s not even a question of trust. Why would he provide for his sister and not his own wife and children? What kind of stupid BS is that? I’d badger his @ss to death until he changed everything to the kids as beneficiary. He’d have to divorce me to shut me up and even then I’d ask the judge to order him to change it to the kids as part of the divorce settlement!
September 2nd, 2009 at 12:31 pm
um that is kinda hard because the will is important but when it is important to him it will be done. Yeah just don’t mention it to him he may be thinking about it where you told him about it so just let it sink in
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September 2nd, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I think its weird too. Make sure only your children would receive your benefits. They are gonna need it not that Scrooge of a husband you have.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
I’d be pissed! It’s not even a question of trust. Why would he provide for his sister and not his own wife and children? What kind of stupid BS is that? I’d badger his @ss to death until he changed everything to the kids as beneficiary. He’d have to divorce me to shut me up and even then I’d ask the judge to order him to change it to the kids as part of the divorce settlement!
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September 2nd, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Legally, it goes to his wife nad underage children.
he is a nut job. I would not be okay with this at all.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 1:33 pm
You’re not weird, just pratical. Maybe if you do the work he’ll realize you mean business. Try this: http://www.legalzoom.com
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September 2nd, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Well, maybe he’s just watched too many episodes of "Snapped" and "48 hours."
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September 2nd, 2009 at 2:30 pm
mama’s boy dump him and his family
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September 2nd, 2009 at 3:15 pm
You have a larger problem than him not getting his will updated. He is either a control freak or he doesn’t care to provide for you and your children. He sounds like he is not very committed to you and the kids. Perhaps you should go and speak with a lawyer…if he dies and leaves you nothing there is very little that you will be able to do. You should see a lawyer and an accountant and find out how to take care of your self and your kids in the event that he dies. Sounds like you are not his top priority. I have been there and I know how much it hurts.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 3:52 pm
You may find he has others on the will that you don’t know about. Just advise him that he has 2 weeks to update or you will need to take action yourself. He doesn’t think about the future and you may need to find someone who does.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 4:33 pm
I’m not married but I’ll give you my opinion on what you have wrote. First of all, it’s hard to be correct not knowing the status of your relationship and your past so i’ll answer for both. The first and easiest possibility is if you are not in a happy relationship, especially if you have a history of violence or aggressive arguments. In this case he could honestly be questioning your intentions, especially if you keep bugging him about it. If I were in a bad relationship and my partner kept harassing me about financial matters, let it be a will or deed, I’d be very suspicious. If you are in a happy relationship I would agree that it’s a little weird that he does not have you or your kids in his will, especially the kids. There are also other possibilities too. One being that he has already done it but, just like he said, you won’t know about it. It could also be that he does not think about it either because he is still relatively young and I’ll assume healthy and trusts his sister and mom to be responsible enough to take care of you and the kids if something does happen or he could honestly be weirded out by the fact of going to write something in case of his death. When I joined the military at the age of only 18 we had to fill out paperwork for our life policy and benefactors and that weirded me out big time. Either way I would definitely stop harassing him about it because it will only cause turmoil between you and if anything, make him not want to put you in it. He’s either not going to and you questioning him will only rein fore his decision or he is going to and only wants you to trust him to and wants his marriage to be based on love, not money.
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September 2nd, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Either you have a bad relationship or you have shown him that you handle money in a way he is not comfortable with. Those are the only two possible reasons for a man married 10 years to do this.
If he truly loved you AND was comfortable with your money management skills he would leave it all to you.
If he truly loved you AND thought you were bad with money, he would put it in trust funds so you could get the dividends but not the principal and he would explain the rules of how it worked to you.
I would NEVER do anything like that to my wife – she gets it ALL….
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September 2nd, 2009 at 4:57 pm
1. is he a control freak?
2. is he a momma’s boy?
3. is he a closet homosexual who was forced into this marriage for appearance’s sake?
4. why the hell do you have him on as your beneficiary? take him off and leave it all to the kids, cuz someone needs to think about them first. he’s not thinking about the kids. also, he’s got plenty of his own money. he doesnt need to get yours too. and the kids shouldnt have to split the money with him.
5. you married an @ss. i dunno why you chose him.
6. start putting some money aside in your own SECRET bank account – do the banking online and chose the online statement option – at a bank he doesnt use. you might need that money in the future, considering how he is.
7. your not weird. it’s his responsibility that you and the kids are provided for in the event of his death.
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